The Ber Months Hath Come

The “ber” months hath come indeed! It’s the time of year when I struggle to stuff everything in my calendar. These are the months when there seem to be an endless stream of parties to attend and parties to plan.

The battle to fit all the events in one calendar for one persona has actually started, a few weekends ago. There’s the inuman with officemates, the inuman with friends, the inuman with old friends, the inuman with more officemates, the inuman with more friends and more old friends.

I had wanted to write about all the activities I’ve done so far, but there’s just too many and most of the time, I get too intoxicated in alcohol to come up with a sensible piece to post.

Just last Friday night, I and two of my officemates finished off 4 pitchers of a drink called bad trip. I got home from that session at around 4 or 5 in the morning, wasn’t even able to take my contact lenses off and slept with my stinking clothes. I was too intoxicated that I just fell on my bed and caught all the Z’s I could.

Up to now, I still can not come up with anything more sensible than this.

Pride! Akei and PG4M to Visit Home for the Golden Gays

In celebration of Manila Pride 2011, PinoyG4M and Akei will hold an Outreach Program to Home for the Golden Gays.

Much like Golden Acres or Home for the Aged, the Home serves as a refuge for the elderly but is targeted towards the elderly gay. What better way to celebrate this Gay Pride season than to give back to help those who were there before us.

This is an open invitation for anyone who wishes to help us help the Home. Anyone who wants to pledge any amount, you may contact Lanchie at (63) 917 365 9620 or send an email to

For more information, you may visit the links above.

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.
~Dr. Seuss

Random Inspiration #1

What a man believes upon grossly insufficient evidence is an index into his desires — desires of which he himself is often unconscious. If a man is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in accordance to his instincts, he will accept it even on the slightest evidence. The origin of myths is explained in this way.

~Bertrand Russell (1872 – 1970), Proposed Roads to Freedom: Socialism, Anarchism and Syndicalism (1919)

In Vino Veritas

Last Sunday, our very dear friend who has been absent from our gatherings in the past couple of months finally decided to show up. He was terribly missed, of course, by his doting T'yang and Ninang, and so after several rounds in Megamall critiquing the window displays, we decided to drag him to my place for dinner.

I cooked penne ala puttanesca sans the anchovies and chili pepper but with ground beef instead while enjoying a bottle of burgundy that we just bought along with a bottle of moscato. The moment we purchased the two bottles, I knew it was going to be another night of pouring wine. It was proven true when we were not quite content with the burgundy and decided to go for the moscato after the dinner.

The moscato was a very good dessert wine. It was sweet and silky smooth, perfect companion to a cheesecake...

I just wished we had an actual dessert, but for people like us a good conversation with friends more than makes up for the lack of sweet treats. The conversation was so good, in fact, that we decided to go for a third bottle - a California red - and the merry-making went on until three in the morning. Our poor friend ended up not being able to go to work because of it, but I know he still loves us anyway.


In vino veritas.

Indeed under the influence of alcohol, most - if not all - of what we speak are words we mean, and thus, the truth as we believe. That simple paradigm got me thinking about the time my ex called me on my phone...

I could tell he was drunk. He called and all he had to say was I love you.

As usual, my defenses activated automatically and all I could reply was you're drunk, get some rest.

Maybe it's just wishful thinking that I'm applying that belief to that scenario. Maybe... Who knows?

I will not deny the possibility that I may still have deep feelings for him. Try as I may, I cannot explain why so I won't even bother with an explanation. Maybe the only thing to note in our situation is that I took a chance on him after almost 2 years of being unattached and that, before him, I was dating someone else for over 8 months but never committed.

I always said I was trying to be spontaneous when I committed to him and I know it definitely wasn't love at first sight. I also realize that the feelings I had for him weren't as strong as when we began as it was when we ended. He grew on me.

In vino veritas.

I should move on, I know. Friends are trying to tell me to. At this point, though, I don't even know whether or not I want to do just that.


Dahil sa tinatamad akong magsulat, post na lang ako ng pictures from an impromptu gimmick last Friday night (Rebecca Black?).

Pagpasensiyahan na lang ang quality ng photos dahil kuha lang mga yan gamit ang phone camera.

See that very unappealing jug there? The drink it contains is what they call Bad Trip. Dahil daw maba-bad-trip ka sa lasing pag ininom mo.

Na bad trip nga ako. Pero dahil hindi ako nalasheng.

Yung white thingy naman dito sa piksur na ito ay ang tinatawag nilang Squeeze Me simply because you need to squeeze the bottle to get the drink out. It's 1% alcohol, 1% crushed ice, and 98% Brilliant Blue FCF, E133.

Kung 'di niyo alam kung ano ang E133, i-google niyo.

And here's the crazy bunch I was with that night. Happy lang talaga ang mga impromptu nomo.

The JunA's Ramblings #4

Sometimes we choose to wallow in the murky emotions left by a failed relationship even though people are telling us we have to move on not because we don't want to or we can't but because these murky emotions are what's left of the bright and happy ones we used to experience and we know it will be a long time before we actually get to feel that way again.
~in response to a discussion about moving on

A Weekend of Wine and The Serbian Show

Umiral nanaman ang impulsiveness ko. I dropped by ministop before going home meaning to only buy a pack of cigarettes nang bigla akong napalingon sa kanilang booze section. As if by instinct, nakita ko agad ang gusting Makita ng aking mga mata: their wine selection.

Ewan ko ba. Basta bigla na lang akong kumuha ng isang bote ng sparkling red at dumeretso sa counter. So ayun, pagka uwi ko may bitbit na akong isang bote ng red wine. At least, I told myself, I’d have something to drink every night when I get home. Ayun nga lang, ilang oras pa lang ang lumilipas since inuwi ko ang boteng yun e malapit na siyang mangalahati. (I have a glass of chilled sparkling red sitting right beside my keyboard right now)

Nagsimula ang bagong kalokohan kong ‘to nang dahil sa isa kong kaibigan who was recently introduced to the wonders of drinking wine. Nang dahil sa kanya na rekindle ang aking taste buds for the sweet red liquid.

Last Saturday, I decided to go wine glass shopping since I left my wine glass collection in Baguio (mahirap nang mag transport ng glassware kaya bili na lang ako ng bago). After going through the cheap wine glasses in Ever and not finding a relatively okay glass, we decided to shop for some grocers first and along the way we picked up a bottle of Spanish sweet red and a Burgundy. Then we went back to the actual target: the wine glasses.

Medyo mahirap pumili ng wine glasses when you’re trying to get them for cheap. Tsaka mahirap pumili pag walang masyadong pagpipilian. Eventually, I ended up getting a pair of red and a pair of white wine glasses and my friend bought one red wine glass for himself (since he only had a glass for white which he was using for red).


Having accomplished our mission, we went back to my apartment since we were holding a friend’s birthday party. The cooks were supposed to arrive earlier than the guests, since they needed to prepare the food and stuff, but it was already around 7 in the evening and they still weren’t even on their way yet. So I and my friend decided to try the Spanish red while I cooked pasta with tuna in tomato sauce for the two of us. Hindi na namin binalak hintayin ang pagkaing iluluto nila para sa party dahil malamang kakalam mga sikmura namin sa gutom kahihintay.

It turned out to be a good move since they arrived some minutes past 8 in the evening. By then, we were already about to open the second bottle of wine: a Burgundy naman. So while the cooks were preparing food, the rest of us busied ourselves with wine and a lot of interesting conversation.

The rest of the night went on as expected. Isipin mo na lang na pinagsama-sama ang dalawampung bakla sa isang lugar habang nagiinom and you’ll get the picture. Pero take note. These are intellectual gay people at hindi mga baklang palingkera (I felt that that piece of information was required).

My highlight for that party, though, was when I and my dear friend, T’yang Nena Lucresia Zaragosa, engaged in a very consuming sort-of-debate about Lea Salonga’s singing style. I guess we were both so caught up in the conversation that we didn’t realize everyone else was already distracted by our voices and were already listening even if they didn’t understand what we were talking about. Like I told my friend, I haven’t had that kind of conversation in a very long time and it was so much fun!

These parties we hold are always a lot of fun. At dahil sa sobrang saya inuumaga kami lagi. Last Saturday wasn’t an exception.

The party lasted until breakfast with the last batch leaving barely 2 hours before noon. I was tired and beat from partying all night so, after the cleanup, I got to my usual Sunday habit: sleeping all day.

The JunA's Ramblings #3

There's a certain thrill in knowing that someone wants you; but it's even more exciting to show them that you're unattainable.

Sa Mundo ng Diosa.DIVA version 1.3.0

Sa wakas nakapag update na rin ako ng custom template.

Medyo pinahirapan ako nito but there's still a lot of update needed. Beta version pa lang 'to kumbaga.

Sad French Songs

For the past couple of days I've been repeatedly listening to French songs. There's just something enchantingly romantic about that language... or maybe that's just me .So I guess it's just personal bias that I find so much sadness in the French songs I listen to... but, then again, they may just really be bitter and sad.

So here's my 5 Sad French Songs of the Moment, again, in no particular order.

  • Vivre from Notre-Dame de Paris. It's really not so sad. It's a very hopeful song in fact. Vivre pour celui qu'on aime. Aimer plus que l'amour même, Esmeralda sings about the power of love in the face of death.

    Listening to it, though, the song can make you teary-eyed. Its melody delivers the emotions from the lyrics.

    Celine Dion has an English cover of the song, Live for the One I Love, but I like the French version from the musical better since Celine Dion's version has slightly altered lyrics.

  • Un bel di from Giacomo Puccini's Madama Butterfly. Butterfly sings about her dream to one day be reunited with her love. If you know the story of Madama Butterfly, you'll realize just how sad that song is.

    If you're not very familiar with the story of Butterfly, then perhaps you are better acquainted with the musical Miss Saigon which is largely based on Puccini's famous 3-part Opera. Now, if Miss Saigon would have a counterpart for Un bel di then that would be I Still Believe.

  • Rufus Wainwright's Complainte de la Butte from Moulin Rouge. I can't remember exactly what role this song plays in the movie, but I remember that flick was such a sad, sad love story.

    Now, Rufus Wainwright's voice is hardly what I'd consider romantic or enchanting, but the simple instrumentation and repetitive melody of the song is quite nostalgic.

  • C'est Fini la Comedie by Dalida. I just find this song about moving on quite... well... moving. It's about two lovers who have gone on with their separate lives. The song sort of recalls their affair but acknowledges that what they had was finally over.

    The UP Madz gave a very beautiful choral rendition of the song which is even more eerily bitter.

  • Claude François' Comme d'habitude. If you don't understand French and just listen to the melody, you'd probably think that it's a happy song, but no! That is just so wrong.

    Look up the English translation and you'll realize that the fortissimo parts are not because of the singer's joy but because of angst.

    The beautiful Eva Lopez has a bossa nova version and the UP Madz also has a choral rendition.

Babs (Part 2)

This is the 2nd of a 2-part post. Here is the first part.

My fingers grazed the keyboard then took the glass of vodka mixed with sweet iced tea sitting right next to it. Phil Collins continues to sing in the background, ranting about living separate lives. I found myself singing along to the awfully sad tune.

…and that you miss me sometimes…

It’s been over two weeks since he broke up with me. Why am I still feeling miserable?

...We can’t go on just holding on to time…

I know why.

It’s because of that damnable kiss he stole from me a few days ago. That one single kiss that lasted for a second had the power to bring back all the feelings I thought I had forgotten.

No. It wasn’t just the kiss. It was the way he took my hand and held it. It made me feel as if he didn’t want to let go.

...But for now we’ll go on living separate lives.


I was anxious to see him again, but my defenses were up. I didn’t want to let him see that his mere presence still had an effect on me.

He wore that same mischievous, confident smile as he approached me, the smile that was one of the things I love about him. It was the smile that seduced me before.

Not this time, I told myself.

I gave him my usual cordial smile and a curt nod that I usually use when meeting people for the first time. It was a gesture that showed I was guarded. I knew this was what frustrated him. Despite being together, I knew I was making it hard for him to read me, but it was my way of showing I wasn’t weak. It was my way of showing everyone that the walls I built to protect myself were still standing. I guess he just didn’t realize that he had bored a hole through that wall although it was still standing.

We engaged in small talk, asked each other how we were doing. It was a plain and civil conversation while having coffee, but I realized there was hostility in my voice.

He dumped me! It wasn’t easy to get over that fact.

At times I found myself just staring at him, remembering how I used to just study his face while he slept, how I used to pinch his nose teasingly… how his eyes look always sleepy… how I was able to kiss his lips…

Whenever he’d catch me staring, he’d smile that mischievous smile of his. I’d simply raise a single brow.

There were times when it was my turn to catch him staring at me. The reactions we’re the same. He’d smile. I’d raise my brow.

I felt like we were playing a game called Who Will Crack First. It was a very frustrating game to play. There was tension in the atmosphere around us. We talked about trivial things but I know both of us felt we wanted to say other things… so many other things… but neither of us wanted to lose the game.

We finished our coffee. It was time to go. I felt like I wanted to invite him for another cup, but thought I might look too clingy. I didn’t want that. Besides, I had to get some sleep, too.

Since I had to cross the street to get a ride home, he accompanied me across the overpass.

So that was it. Seeing him again only triggered my frustrations over our relationship. It was exasperating. I wanted to say so much more. I wanted to him to say so much more, but I didn’t… neither did he.

The overpass was dark, scary… melancholy… but in the middle of that dark and melancholy path he took my hand and held it as we walked beside each other. My heart skipped a beat.

Then, as if holding my hand wasn’t enough, he stole a kiss. It brought back so much. It didn’t bring flashbacks of our time together. It brought me back something more.

I was reminded that he was a man I loved… and probably still love.

I stared at him blankly. He just smiled that same mischievous smile.

It broke my heart, yet again, to say good bye.

Sa Mundo ng Diosa.DIVA version 1.2.1

I finally got around to editing the blog's template. It took me a while to figure out the works, but like the old blogger templates, it was all in the CSS. Well... almost.

The template isn't exactly how I expected it to look with side bar in place.

It looks a little out of balance but I'll keep working on it until I get a design I'm, at the least, satisfied with. I'm open to suggestions, too. So leave a comment if you have any good ideas for the blog.

At least meron na akong pinagkakaabalahan ngayon.