People ask for advise not because they wanna be told what to do but mostly because they're looking for someone who'll take their side.
13 Years of I-Love-Yous
1 year ago
Andami nang nangyari. Andami nang mga naganap. Sa dinami-dami nakalimutan ko na ang detalye ng karamihan pero tamad pa rin akong i-blog ang mga kaganapan.
FTC had its first meeting a few weeks ago. Pero since Rocky already blogged about it, I won't get into the details na. To sum it up, we had wine and cheese and games and lots of fun!
Last weekend, we visited our lolas at the Home for the Golden Gays. Dahil may blog entry na rin si Jade about it, hindi ko na rin ide-detalye (and because I'm really just lazy). Happy naman. Happy not just because the program was fun, but because it really feels very fulfilling helping out other people. Happy kahit hagas at walang tulog tulog.
Saturday morning right after my work shift, I went straight to Ortigas to have a breakfast meeting with Lanchie, Jade, Bern and Acee to plan the outreach. Walang tulugan 'to! Kinaya pa naming rumampa sa Megamall after the breakfast so katanghalian na kami nagsiuwian. Sunday morning, I woke up really early to prepare breakfast. I had to have a big breakfast kasi I was very sure 'di na ako makakakain afterwards. It turned out I was right. Alas tres na ang sunod na kain ko.
After the outreach, we went straight to CA for a debriefing. Actually, we just wanted to eat so we ordered some pizza but the delivery took too long we decided to get a start on the alcohol. By the time the pizza arrived, we were all so hungry the four boxes were wiped clean in 4 minutes.
After a few more glasses of alcohol, Les Aventures Extraordinaires d'Adele Blanc-Sec, Les Miserables' 25th Anniversary Concert, and halfway through The Phantom of the Opera (at pagod na rin), I fell asleep. It was more of a power nap, really, that lasted for just roughly 30 minutes. Which I was already thankful for because if I hadn't, I'd have been awake more than 24 hours.
We left CA at a few minutes past 5AM. More hungry than tired, we decided to grab some breakfast at R&J's. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I saw the food but I attribute the 2.5 cups of rice I downed more to the bulalo and hito tasting great.
By 7:30AM we were already on our way home. At last!
This 20th of November, Akei and PinoyG4M will visit the Home for the Golden Days.
For more information, you may visit the event page on Facebook or join the conversation in the PG4M forums.
PinoyG4M and the Akei LGBTIQ Working Group is teaming up to aid the Home for the Golden Gays!
Choose one or both ways to help:
I want to sponsor:
You may donate cash by contacting us below or you may opt to give slippers, colorful shirts, fans, combs, handkerchiefs and/or toiletries. Pledges & donations will be publicly listed but you may request to remain anonymous.
Click here for instructions on how to donate via GCash.
Click here for a list of Internation GCash Remit partners.
I want to volunteer:
Join us for a fun afternoon at the Home!
1:00 - 5:00 PM
November 26, 2011 | Saturday
Home for the Golden Gays
#108 David Street corner F.B. Harrison, Pasay City
For more information, visit the event's page on Facebook.
You may also join the conversation in the PG4M forums
The Home for the Golden Gays is "a refuge for the elderly and vulnerable gays of Manila. A home for those, who have nowhere else to go, for those whose families have rejected them, and for those who simply want to be in the company of other elderly gays."
PinoyG4M: Straight Talk for Gay Men
PG4M (Pinoy Guys4Men) is an online message board for Filipino and Philippine-based gay and bisexual men. This site aims to provide a venue for conversation and exchange of ideas among its members, providing a venue for friendship, a sense of community, and a sounding board for opinions and concerns of gay men regarding the current issues and trends facing not just the LGBT people, but the society in general.
Contact:
Lanchie Abanco
+63 917 365 9620
lanchie@gmail.com
The LGBTIQ Working Group of Akei considers the status of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersexual & questioning/queer (LGBTIQ) peoples as one of the last great civil issues of our time. In countries around the world, LGBTIQs face issues on multiple fronts--in justice systems, workplaces and even among their peers. Akei plans to concentrate on improving movement tactics, social networks and cultural capital in the LGBTIQ community through harnessing intellectual resources so as to create systemic changes in how LGBTIQ people are treated in society.
Contact:
PJ Salenda
Akei LGBTIQ Working Group
+63 918 942 8513
prsalenda@gmail.com
Suddenly you were out of my reach
And I was an infant without my rattle
Then I was a baby without a bottle
Suddenly you were out of my sight
And I was a child without my mother
Then I was a kid without a father
Suddenly you were no longer beside me
And I would feel the cold of winter
Then I would sweat in the heat of summer
Suddenly I could no longer feel you
And I am a man with just a memory
Then I am someone living in reverie
Suddenly I will open my eyes
And I will see I am one and alone
Then I will not see why I am alone
The “ber” months hath come indeed! It’s the time of year when I struggle to stuff everything in my calendar. These are the months when there seem to be an endless stream of parties to attend and parties to plan.
The battle to fit all the events in one calendar for one persona has actually started, a few weekends ago. There’s the inuman with officemates, the inuman with friends, the inuman with old friends, the inuman with more officemates, the inuman with more friends and more old friends.
I had wanted to write about all the activities I’ve done so far, but there’s just too many and most of the time, I get too intoxicated in alcohol to come up with a sensible piece to post.
Just last Friday night, I and two of my officemates finished off 4 pitchers of a drink called bad trip. I got home from that session at around 4 or 5 in the morning, wasn’t even able to take my contact lenses off and slept with my stinking clothes. I was too intoxicated that I just fell on my bed and caught all the Z’s I could.
Up to now, I still can not come up with anything more sensible than this.
In celebration of Manila Pride 2011, PinoyG4M and Akei will hold an Outreach Program to Home for the Golden Gays.
Much like Golden Acres or Home for the Aged, the Home serves as a refuge for the elderly but is targeted towards the elderly gay. What better way to celebrate this Gay Pride season than to give back to help those who were there before us.
This is an open invitation for anyone who wishes to help us help the Home. Anyone who wants to pledge any amount, you may contact Lanchie at (63) 917 365 9620 or send an email to lanchie@gmail.com.
For more information, you may visit the links above.
Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.
~Dr. Seuss
What a man believes upon grossly insufficient evidence is an index into his desires — desires of which he himself is often unconscious. If a man is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in accordance to his instincts, he will accept it even on the slightest evidence. The origin of myths is explained in this way.
~Bertrand Russell (1872 – 1970), Proposed Roads to Freedom: Socialism, Anarchism and Syndicalism (1919)
Last Sunday, our very dear friend who has been absent from our gatherings in the past couple of months finally decided to show up. He was terribly missed, of course, by his doting T'yang and Ninang, and so after several rounds in Megamall critiquing the window displays, we decided to drag him to my place for dinner.
I cooked penne ala puttanesca sans the anchovies and chili pepper but with ground beef instead while enjoying a bottle of burgundy that we just bought along with a bottle of moscato. The moment we purchased the two bottles, I knew it was going to be another night of pouring wine. It was proven true when we were not quite content with the burgundy and decided to go for the moscato after the dinner.
The moscato was a very good dessert wine. It was sweet and silky smooth, perfect companion to a cheesecake...
I just wished we had an actual dessert, but for people like us a good conversation with friends more than makes up for the lack of sweet treats. The conversation was so good, in fact, that we decided to go for a third bottle - a California red - and the merry-making went on until three in the morning. Our poor friend ended up not being able to go to work because of it, but I know he still loves us anyway.
***
In vino veritas.
Indeed under the influence of alcohol, most - if not all - of what we speak are words we mean, and thus, the truth as we believe. That simple paradigm got me thinking about the time my ex called me on my phone...
I could tell he was drunk. He called and all he had to say was I love you.
As usual, my defenses activated automatically and all I could reply was you're drunk, get some rest.
Maybe it's just wishful thinking that I'm applying that belief to that scenario. Maybe... Who knows?
I will not deny the possibility that I may still have deep feelings for him. Try as I may, I cannot explain why so I won't even bother with an explanation. Maybe the only thing to note in our situation is that I took a chance on him after almost 2 years of being unattached and that, before him, I was dating someone else for over 8 months but never committed.
I always said I was trying to be spontaneous when I committed to him and I know it definitely wasn't love at first sight. I also realize that the feelings I had for him weren't as strong as when we began as it was when we ended. He grew on me.
In vino veritas.
I should move on, I know. Friends are trying to tell me to. At this point, though, I don't even know whether or not I want to do just that.
Dahil sa tinatamad akong magsulat, post na lang ako ng pictures from an impromptu gimmick last Friday night (Rebecca Black?).
Pagpasensiyahan na lang ang quality ng photos dahil kuha lang mga yan gamit ang phone camera.
See that very unappealing jug there? The drink it contains is what they call Bad Trip. Dahil daw maba-bad-trip ka sa lasing pag ininom mo.
Na bad trip nga ako. Pero dahil hindi ako nalasheng.
Yung white thingy naman dito sa piksur na ito ay ang tinatawag nilang Squeeze Me simply because you need to squeeze the bottle to get the drink out. It's 1% alcohol, 1% crushed ice, and 98% Brilliant Blue FCF, E133.
Kung 'di niyo alam kung ano ang E133, i-google niyo.
And here's the crazy bunch I was with that night. Happy lang talaga ang mga impromptu nomo.
Sometimes we choose to wallow in the murky emotions left by a failed relationship even though people are telling us we have to move on not because we don't want to or we can't but because these murky emotions are what's left of the bright and happy ones we used to experience and we know it will be a long time before we actually get to feel that way again.
~in response to a discussion about moving on
Umiral nanaman ang impulsiveness ko. I dropped by ministop before going home meaning to only buy a pack of cigarettes nang bigla akong napalingon sa kanilang booze section. As if by instinct, nakita ko agad ang gusting Makita ng aking mga mata: their wine selection.
Ewan ko ba. Basta bigla na lang akong kumuha ng isang bote ng sparkling red at dumeretso sa counter. So ayun, pagka uwi ko may bitbit na akong isang bote ng red wine. At least, I told myself, I’d have something to drink every night when I get home. Ayun nga lang, ilang oras pa lang ang lumilipas since inuwi ko ang boteng yun e malapit na siyang mangalahati. (I have a glass of chilled sparkling red sitting right beside my keyboard right now)
Nagsimula ang bagong kalokohan kong ‘to nang dahil sa isa kong kaibigan who was recently introduced to the wonders of drinking wine. Nang dahil sa kanya na rekindle ang aking taste buds for the sweet red liquid.
Last Saturday, I decided to go wine glass shopping since I left my wine glass collection in Baguio (mahirap nang mag transport ng glassware kaya bili na lang ako ng bago). After going through the cheap wine glasses in Ever and not finding a relatively okay glass, we decided to shop for some grocers first and along the way we picked up a bottle of Spanish sweet red and a Burgundy. Then we went back to the actual target: the wine glasses.
Medyo mahirap pumili ng wine glasses when you’re trying to get them for cheap. Tsaka mahirap pumili pag walang masyadong pagpipilian. Eventually, I ended up getting a pair of red and a pair of white wine glasses and my friend bought one red wine glass for himself (since he only had a glass for white which he was using for red).
***
Having accomplished our mission, we went back to my apartment since we were holding a friend’s birthday party. The cooks were supposed to arrive earlier than the guests, since they needed to prepare the food and stuff, but it was already around 7 in the evening and they still weren’t even on their way yet. So I and my friend decided to try the Spanish red while I cooked pasta with tuna in tomato sauce for the two of us. Hindi na namin binalak hintayin ang pagkaing iluluto nila para sa party dahil malamang kakalam mga sikmura namin sa gutom kahihintay.
It turned out to be a good move since they arrived some minutes past 8 in the evening. By then, we were already about to open the second bottle of wine: a Burgundy naman. So while the cooks were preparing food, the rest of us busied ourselves with wine and a lot of interesting conversation.
The rest of the night went on as expected. Isipin mo na lang na pinagsama-sama ang dalawampung bakla sa isang lugar habang nagiinom and you’ll get the picture. Pero take note. These are intellectual gay people at hindi mga baklang palingkera (I felt that that piece of information was required).
My highlight for that party, though, was when I and my dear friend, T’yang Nena Lucresia Zaragosa, engaged in a very consuming sort-of-debate about Lea Salonga’s singing style. I guess we were both so caught up in the conversation that we didn’t realize everyone else was already distracted by our voices and were already listening even if they didn’t understand what we were talking about. Like I told my friend, I haven’t had that kind of conversation in a very long time and it was so much fun!
These parties we hold are always a lot of fun. At dahil sa sobrang saya inuumaga kami lagi. Last Saturday wasn’t an exception.
The party lasted until breakfast with the last batch leaving barely 2 hours before noon. I was tired and beat from partying all night so, after the cleanup, I got to my usual Sunday habit: sleeping all day.
For the past couple of days I've been repeatedly listening to French songs. There's just something enchantingly romantic about that language... or maybe that's just me .So I guess it's just personal bias that I find so much sadness in the French songs I listen to... but, then again, they may just really be bitter and sad.
So here's my 5 Sad French Songs of the Moment, again, in no particular order.
-
Vivre from Notre-Dame de Paris. It's really not so sad. It's a very hopeful song in fact. Vivre pour celui qu'on aime. Aimer plus que l'amour même, Esmeralda sings about the power of love in the face of death.
Listening to it, though, the song can make you teary-eyed. Its melody delivers the emotions from the lyrics.
Celine Dion has an English cover of the song, Live for the One I Love, but I like the French version from the musical better since Celine Dion's version has slightly altered lyrics.
-
Un bel di from Giacomo Puccini's Madama Butterfly. Butterfly sings about her dream to one day be reunited with her love. If you know the story of Madama Butterfly, you'll realize just how sad that song is.
If you're not very familiar with the story of Butterfly, then perhaps you are better acquainted with the musical Miss Saigon which is largely based on Puccini's famous 3-part Opera. Now, if Miss Saigon would have a counterpart for Un bel di then that would be I Still Believe.
-
Rufus Wainwright's Complainte de la Butte from Moulin Rouge. I can't remember exactly what role this song plays in the movie, but I remember that flick was such a sad, sad love story.
Now, Rufus Wainwright's voice is hardly what I'd consider romantic or enchanting, but the simple instrumentation and repetitive melody of the song is quite nostalgic.
-
C'est Fini la Comedie by Dalida. I just find this song about moving on quite... well... moving. It's about two lovers who have gone on with their separate lives. The song sort of recalls their affair but acknowledges that what they had was finally over.
The UP Madz gave a very beautiful choral rendition of the song which is even more eerily bitter.
-
Claude François' Comme d'habitude. If you don't understand French and just listen to the melody, you'd probably think that it's a happy song, but no! That is just so wrong.
Look up the English translation and you'll realize that the fortissimo parts are not because of the singer's joy but because of angst.
The beautiful Eva Lopez has a bossa nova version and the UP Madz also has a choral rendition.
This is the 2nd of a 2-part post. Here is the first part.
My fingers grazed the keyboard then took the glass of vodka mixed with sweet iced tea sitting right next to it. Phil Collins continues to sing in the background, ranting about living separate lives. I found myself singing along to the awfully sad tune.
…and that you miss me sometimes…
It’s been over two weeks since he broke up with me. Why am I still feeling miserable?
...We can’t go on just holding on to time…
I know why.
It’s because of that damnable kiss he stole from me a few days ago. That one single kiss that lasted for a second had the power to bring back all the feelings I thought I had forgotten.
No. It wasn’t just the kiss. It was the way he took my hand and held it. It made me feel as if he didn’t want to let go.
...But for now we’ll go on living separate lives.
***
I was anxious to see him again, but my defenses were up. I didn’t want to let him see that his mere presence still had an effect on me.
He wore that same mischievous, confident smile as he approached me, the smile that was one of the things I love about him. It was the smile that seduced me before.
Not this time, I told myself.
I gave him my usual cordial smile and a curt nod that I usually use when meeting people for the first time. It was a gesture that showed I was guarded. I knew this was what frustrated him. Despite being together, I knew I was making it hard for him to read me, but it was my way of showing I wasn’t weak. It was my way of showing everyone that the walls I built to protect myself were still standing. I guess he just didn’t realize that he had bored a hole through that wall although it was still standing.
We engaged in small talk, asked each other how we were doing. It was a plain and civil conversation while having coffee, but I realized there was hostility in my voice.
He dumped me! It wasn’t easy to get over that fact.
At times I found myself just staring at him, remembering how I used to just study his face while he slept, how I used to pinch his nose teasingly… how his eyes look always sleepy… how I was able to kiss his lips…
Whenever he’d catch me staring, he’d smile that mischievous smile of his. I’d simply raise a single brow.
There were times when it was my turn to catch him staring at me. The reactions we’re the same. He’d smile. I’d raise my brow.
I felt like we were playing a game called Who Will Crack First. It was a very frustrating game to play. There was tension in the atmosphere around us. We talked about trivial things but I know both of us felt we wanted to say other things… so many other things… but neither of us wanted to lose the game.
We finished our coffee. It was time to go. I felt like I wanted to invite him for another cup, but thought I might look too clingy. I didn’t want that. Besides, I had to get some sleep, too.
Since I had to cross the street to get a ride home, he accompanied me across the overpass.
So that was it. Seeing him again only triggered my frustrations over our relationship. It was exasperating. I wanted to say so much more. I wanted to him to say so much more, but I didn’t… neither did he.
The overpass was dark, scary… melancholy… but in the middle of that dark and melancholy path he took my hand and held it as we walked beside each other. My heart skipped a beat.
Then, as if holding my hand wasn’t enough, he stole a kiss. It brought back so much. It didn’t bring flashbacks of our time together. It brought me back something more.
I was reminded that he was a man I loved… and probably still love.
I stared at him blankly. He just smiled that same mischievous smile.
It broke my heart, yet again, to say good bye.
I finally got around to editing the blog's template. It took me a while to figure out the works, but like the old blogger templates, it was all in the CSS. Well... almost.
The template isn't exactly how I expected it to look with side bar in place.
It looks a little out of balance but I'll keep working on it until I get a design I'm, at the least, satisfied with. I'm open to suggestions, too. So leave a comment if you have any good ideas for the blog.
At least meron na akong pinagkakaabalahan ngayon.
In the middle of that dark overpass, he took my hand and held it as we walked beside each other. My heart skipped a beat. What was he doing? He was the one who ended our relationship. He was the one who gave up on us. What was this gesture for, then?
Then, as if holding my hand wasn’t enough, he stole a kiss. I was reminded of how good it felt to have someone’s soft lips against yours. I was reminded of how much warmth that little contact could bring.
I stared at him blankly. He just smiled a sheepish, mischievous smile.
***
Two Saturdays ago, he broke it up with me. Sabi niya masyado daw akong perpekto at mahirap daw akong sabayan. Up to now I still don’t know what he meant. I only know that, that time, I felt fear. It was the kind of fear you feel when you’re all alone in the dark, the kind that slowly crept up to a climax the longer you felt the solitude.
The feeling itself was fearful. I was afraid to lose him.
Pero sa bandang huli, ang nasabi ko na lang ay, “if that’s what you want then… ok.”
Sa isip ko inuulit-ulit ko ang mga sinabi niya. Ginalugad ko ang alaala at pilit tinatandaan ang bawat detalye ng aming pagsasama at hinahanap ang sagot sa tanong na “saan ako nagkamali?” until I finally gave up trying to figure it out.
I texted some friends. I needed company. I needed to either distract myself to get myself to quit thinking about what just happened or someone I could vent out to. Salamat na lang sa aking butihing kaibigan at dakilang babaylan at inampon niya ako nung araw na yun (which is a story which deserves another blog post).
Eventually, I got my bearings back, and was able to revert to my normal activities for the week. It wasn’t that difficult, but as my good friend likes to say, “Setting things aside does not make them go away.”
I knew the bitterness was still there.
The next Saturday after the breakup, I got home after work at around 2 in the morning, as was the usual, logged on to the wonderful world of PG4M, Google+, Facebook and all the other sites I visit to entertain myself, and found myself being interactive again online. Nakapag set ako ng isang munting coffee meet up with my friend since I was craving for a caramel macchiato and my old comfort food, a blueberry cheesecake. Since my friend was still at work, we decided to meet up at 7AM for the coffee. Meanwhile I busied myself with things online.
Then as a sudden thought, I checked my phone. I found one missed call. It was from him.
Isang missed call lang. Seeing that it was from him, though, had the power to remind me of how much bitterness I still felt. I was just thankful that my friend had already agreed to meet me up for coffee. At least, then, I already had something to distract me.
Yes, I admit, I “set things aside” that time. I had to. I felt that I had to. Besides feeling that I wasn’t up to facing it yet, I wanted to just enjoy a moment with my friends. So the night of that same day, we went to cubao x as planned which eventually led to games at two of our friends’ apartment. It was, all in all, a very fun-filled night.
Lumipas ang Linggo, Lunes, Martes, Miyerkules… Nag text siya.
Sometimes things happen in our lives that tear us apart inside, but if we don’t learnt to look past them and see the sun shining above the clouds, we will forever be standing in the rain. So learn how to see bad things as an opportunity to grow as a person. Learn how to move when you’re hurting so bad because at the end of the day it’s not about how much you’ve been hurt but how much the pain has mold you into a person of worth.
Mukhang forwarded lang. But it was “germane to our predicament”. Parang ready na siyang mag move on. So I thought, I should have already moved on, too.
I checked the date. It was the 28th of October. Due na sa katapusan yung utang naming ng housemate ko sa friend niya. So I sent him a message, arranging a meeting after my Thursday shift. Syempre responsibilidad ko yun, di ko naman pwedeng takasan, but part of me was also just excited to see him again.
Throughout Wednesday and Thursday, we continued to exchange messages. I noticed in our exchanges was the ubiquitous “I miss you” coming from him, which met my usual nonchalant responses.
He texted, “Ingat lagi. Pangit ng panahon ngayon. Miss you.”
To which I replied, “I’ve survived worse weather…”
I knew that somehow the nonchalance irked him a bit, and somehow I enjoyed knowing that. Maybe I’m just cruel that way, but I really missed that I could tease him like that. I felt, again, that juvenile kind of kilig, but this time it was tainted by the thought that we were no longer together.
Still, I was excited to see him again.
...to be continued...
Like I said, sooner or later I'm gonna come up with a crazy design idea for the blog. So here, now, is the plan for version 1.2:
I haven't quite worked out how the side bar elements will look like just yet, but that's the whole idea of the design.
The idea came from the shirt I wore to work today:
I thought it was cute to have a single ornate element in a minimalist layout.
Oh, and the text in the screen shot was from the Lorem Chenes Generator. It's like lorem ipsum but in gay speak. Very useful!
Here I go again, looking for the perfect design and layout for this blog. This is version 1.1.
Since I’m too lazy right now to code designs and too uninspired to actually come up with one, I’m going for this uber minimalist header for the meantime. I expect changes in the future though. Knowing me, I’d probably come up with other ideas sooner or later.
Napunta din lang tayo sa pagiging bitter and all. Heto ang isang tulang tumubo mula sa buto ng ampalaya:
This land had been parchedand had so long awaited
for the rain to pour.
Its cracked surfaces
longed for a taste of raindrop.
So long ago dried.
It looked up above
to the high heavens and prayed
for rain to pour down.
And when the rain came
to quench this dry land's thirst,
it came quick then left.
Once parched, now it's mud
but will eventually dry
sooner or later.
Dahil sa buong araw akong nahimbing, alas tres na ng madaling araw ay hindi pa rin ako makatulog at mulat na mulat pa ang aking mga mulat nang mata at siguro dahil na rin hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko sa paglagok ng kape (oo, adik ako sa kape! Walang basagan ng trip!). Dahil na rin alas tres na ng madaling araw, wala na rin akong masyadong ibang choice na magawa kundi ang humarap sa aking computer.
Nakakasawa na rin ang sumagap ng chismis sa Facebook. Wala na rin masyadong uma-update sa Google+, either tulog na or gumigimik ang mga tao sa kabila kong kaharian at wala naming makausap nang matino sa planeta ng lover ni Juliet, kaya sound trip na lang muna.
Napagtripan ko ngayong pakinggan si mareng Celine Dion, at habang ngumangawa siya ng I want you to need meeeee! eh napapasenti nanaman ako sa marupok kong kalagayan ngayon. Bakit nga ba ang mga heart-broken nakakarelate sa halos lahat na lang ng kanta? Lalong lalo na yung mga kantang parang uminom ng sangkatutak na Charantia ang song writer nung sinulit nila yun. Eto ang mga kantang sabi nga ng butihin kong kaibigang si T’yang Nena ay “mga lason sa katawan.”
Ewan ko rin. Basta ang alam ko, sumesenti ako ngayon, kasi gusto ko e. Wala na lang angalan. Share ko na lang ang aking 10 Bitterest Songs of the Moment. In no particular order…
Unahin natin ang napakalakas makapagpa-senti na 5 years ngSugar Hiccups. Wala siyang lyrics bukod sa “but he will never be baaacccckkk!!!” Pero kung nakakain ka ng ampalaya tapos napakinggan mo ang kantang ‘to, parang dumodoble ang pait sa dila mo.
Sumusunod ang You Oughta Know ni ateng Alanis Morissette. Eh halos lahat naman ng kanta ni ateng Alanis ay bitter kaya hindi ko na kailangan i-explain pa ‘to.
Ang Karma naman ni Alicia Keys, punong-puno ng hinanakit at paninisi at pagbabanta ng “what comes around goes around, what comes up must come down.”
Mula naman kay Beyonce, ay ang nagmamaganda-ngunit-bitter-pa-rin na Irreplaceable. Oo, nagmamaganda siya dito at pinapakitang kayang kaya kitang palitan, but why bother? Kasi bitter!
Meron din itong si Blondie. Ang kantang kanyang pinasikat noong dekada 80, ang One Way or Another. Akala mo lang happy at upbeat at harmless ang kanta pero isipin natin. She stalks him, follows him wherever, tina-tap ang phone calls, at higit sa lahat, pinaplano niyang lagyan ng rat food ang pagkain ng kanyang biktima. I rest my case.
At bilang nasa dekada 80 na rin lang tayo, isama na natin ang Died In Your Arms ng Cutting Crew. Basta nakaka-bitter siya, lalo na yung linyang “but now it’s over, the moment has gone/I followed my hands to my head, I know I was wrong.”
Isa pa ‘tong Linger ng Cranberries na tungkol sa isang taong minahal mo ng sobra sobra, kaya mong patawarin kahit pangangaliwa at kahit ilang beses mong ulit-ulitin sa sarili mong he’s not worth it, e mahal mo pa rin siya. Yes, bitterness lingers.
Mula naman kay ateng Karen Carpenters… Hurting Each Other. Unang unang linya pa lang: No one in the world ever had a love as sweet as my love. Bitter na bitter na intro pa lang.
Siyempre, hindi pwedeng mawala sa listahan ang Someone LikeYou ni Adele. Kelangan pa bang ipaliwanag ‘to. Parang si Ateng Alanis din ‘to e. Halos lahat na lang ng kinakanta may trace ng ampalaya.
Last but oh so definitely not the least… The Winner Takes ItAll. Originally by Abba, pero sobrang damang dama mo ang bitterness nito pag pinanood mo ang Mamma Mia at nakita mo si Meryl Streep habang kinakanta niya ‘to. Talong talo na at give up na lang, wala ka na lang ibang magawa kundi humagulgol at magmakaawang itigil na ang kalokohan at sabihing “I concede.”
So yun na. Aminin na lang natin sa mga sarili natin na may pait.
Matapos ang ilang buwang pagpapatumpik-tumpik, ilang linggong pag-iisip-isip, ilang araw ng pagbabasa-basa at pangongolekta ng inspirasyon, ilang oras ng pagpapahinga, pagtingin-tingin sa ilang daang profiles sa planeta ni Romeo, pakikipagkulitan sa mga members ng isang forum ng wonderful people, mangilan-ngilang update ng status sa Facebook at Google+, sa wakas ay napagdesisyunan ko na ring isakatuparan ang blog na ito.
Hindi madaling magisip ng kung ano ang isusulat at pwedeng ma-share sa isang blog. Lalong hindi rin madali ang pagsusulat. Eh hindi naman kasi ako writer.
May mga pagkakataon lang na gusto ko lang ngumawa. Gusto ko lang mag release ng stress. Kaya ito na nga ang produkto. Isang munting blog. Isang munting paraiso kung saan pwede kong sabihin ang lahat ng gusto kong sabihin. Isang maliit na espasyo kung saan ang reyaledad at ang aking imahinasyon ay magsasabong.
Ako si JunA. Diosa. DIVA.
At ito ang aking mundo.
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